Wife: “How would you describe me?”Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK.”Wife: “What does that mean?”Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.”Wife: “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?”Husband: “I’m just kidding!”

TINA:hallo bby nimekumiss
JUMA: nimekumisi pia nambie bby
TINA:bby ule ugonjwa wa ukiombwa ela
unajibu maneno hayaeleweki ushaponaaa??
JUMA:yaah bby saiv naendelea vizuri
TINA:bby nilikua nomba elfu 20 ya saluni
JUMA:@@#$$$######
TINA: vip tena dia?
JUMA:umenitonesha bby

Sera ya mapenzi kwa vipindi tofauti..!

Miaka ya:1986-1990.Ukimtongoza binti,alikuwa akijibu "nimekubali ila usimwambie mtu..!

miaka ya :1991-1995.walikuwa wakijibu "nimekubali lakini namwogopa Baba na mama atakuwa..!

Miaka ya :1996-2000.walikuwa wakijibu "nimekubali lakini sitaki kufanya mapenzi mpaka unioe..!"

miaka ya :2001-2005.walikuwa wakijibu "nimekubali lakini tutumie condom..!

Miaka ya :2006-2010.walikua  wakijibu"pesa yako 2,maneno sitaki..!

balaa liko hapa..!

mwaka:2011-2015. wanajibu "nimekubali lakini haupo peke yako..!

Je, kipi kipindi kizuri kati ya Ivi??

Chezea ndoa wewe..!

Mchepuko. Baby unanipenda?

Mshikaji:
Wewe ndiyo kila kitu kwangu. Na wewe je unanipenda?

Mchepuko: yaani kwako siambiwi kitu, mahaba niue nakupenda mpaka naumwa.

Mshikaji: Thanks my Onyienye.

Mchepuko:
Baby nikuombe kitu.?

Mshikaji:
Omba chochote bby kwa ajili yako nitafanya...

Mchepuko:
Promise Baby.!

Mshikaji:
I promise darling.

Mchepuko:
Naomba leo uniweke kwenye profile whatsup.

Mshikaji:
Hilo tu mbona dogo sana nakuweka sweetheart. Ila je, na mimi nikikuomba kitu utakubali ?????

Mchepuko:
Thanks love ndiyo maana nakupenda. wewe tena omba honey hata ukitaka mapacha ntakuzalia.

Mshikaji:
Naomba nkiweka picha yako status niandike R.I.P??.

Mchepuko: Mwanaharamu wewe weka picha ya mamako ndo uandike huo ushuzi wako kafiri wewe mwana izaya usiye na haya.. mfyuuuuu??????

Jamaa alienda kutoa posa kwa nyumbani kwa wazazi wa mwanamke,alivofika mambo yalikuwa kama ifuatavyo;
BABA MKWE;Mbona unaongea na sisi uku unatafuna big g
JAMAA;Samahani,ninatafuna ili nitoe harufu ya konyangi niliyokunywa
MAMA MKWE;Heeeh..unakunywa pombe??
JAMAA;Ndio,nilijifunza kipindi nilipo acha kuvuta bangi
BABA MKWE;Ulishawahi kuvuta bangi??
JAMAA;Ndio,kipindi nilipokuwa gerezani
MAMA MKWE;Na gerezani  kumbe umeshawahi  kwenda?
JAMAA;Ndio nilienda miaka kumi iliyopita kwa kosa la kuua
BABA MKWE;Kumbe wewe ni muuaj?
MAMA MKWE:Kwa nini uliamua kuua??
JAMAA;Niliua wazazi wa binti niliyekuwa nampenda kwa sababu hawakutaka nioe binti yao,ila kwa bahati mbaya binti alijinyonga wakati niko gerezani.Sasa nilivotoka ndio nikampenda binti yenu.
BABA MKWE;Ooooh..kumbe ndo ivo,haina shida baba,binti yetu yule mchukue hatuitaji hata posa wala mali yako.

Picha ya moyo yazua balaa

Siku moja mwalimu wa sayansi  aliingia darasani na kuchora picha ya moyo ubaoni,kwa kuwa hakuwa mchoraji mzuri ikabidi awaulize wanafunzi wake;
Mwalimu;Hebu niambieni ni picha ya nini hiyo ubaoni??
Wanafunzi;(kwa pamoja),ni picha ya MATAKO mwalimu.
Mwalimu;(Uku kachukia),eti john hiyo picha ubaoni ni ya nini?
John;Ni picha ya matako mwalimu;
Mwalimu akatoka uku akiwa kafura hasira hadi kwa mwalimu mkuu,akamweleza kuwa watoto wanaleta mzaha wakati yeye anafundisha.Mkuu wa shule pamoja na mwalimu wa sayansi wakaondoka pamoja hadi darasani;
Mkuu wa shule;Enhee,mwalimu hawa watoto unasema wanaleta matatizo gani??
Mwalimu;Nilikuwa nawauliza hiyo picha ubaoni wakawa wananidhihaki,
Mkuu wa shule;(uku akiiangalia picha kwa hasira),haya nyie watoto hebu niambieni nani kachora picha ya MATAKO ubaoni. kabla sijawatembezea fimbo sasa ivi?
Wanafunzi;(kwa pamoja),MWALIMU WA SAYANSI NDIO KACHORA.

MWANAMKE YUKOJE?

BABA NIFUNDISHE KUHUSU WANAWAKE

"Nikufundishe nini mwanangu kuhusu wanawake? Baba yako nimezeeka ghafla nikiwa na ufahamu mdogo na mwanangu umeshakua kiasi cha kuhitaji elimu hii adhimu, nikupe neno gani?, labda hivi,
1.KUHUSU TAMAA ZAO. 

-Mwanamke yeyote anaweza kukutamani kimapenzi isipokuwa Mama yako.
2. KUHUSU HULKA ZAO.
-Wanawake wote huonesha upendo wao waziwazi isipokuwa wale waliotendwa kabla.
3.KUHUSU KUACHANA.
-Mwanaume kumuacha mwanamke anayempenda ni kama simba kuacha kula swala, Mwanamke kumuacha mwanaume ni rahisi kama swala kumkimbia Simba mzee.
4.KUHUSU TABIA.
-Jihadhari na maneno ya vijiweni kwamba wanawake wote wako sawa kitabia. No, lakini kumbuka hakuna Mwanamke asie Mwanamke.
5. KUHUSU MPENZI WA ZAMANI.
-Kujaribu kumsahau mwanamke uliyewahi kumpenda ni kama kumkumbuka mtu usiyemjua. Ni ngumu.
6. KUHUSU KUOA.
-Muhimu kuoa, na ni ngumu sana Kumjua mke mwema kabla ya kuoa, ni waigizaji wazuri sana. Kumbuka maneno ya Albert. " Muhimu kuoa, ukipata mke mwema utakuwa na furaha, ukipata mke mwovu utakuwa mwanafalsafa.
7. KUHUSU USALITI.
-Vizuri kujiandaa kisaikolojia kusalitiwa, la usipojiandaa ama waweza kuua mtu au hata kujiua. ukiua mtu maisha yako yatakosa furaha siku zote, ukijiua mwenyewe, hao waliokusaliti wanaweza kuishi kwa furaha zaidi ya ulivyokuwa hai.
8.KUHUSU PESA NA MAPENZI.
-Mapenzi bila pesa yanapatikana kwa wingi sana huko mbinguni, hapa duniani ni ngumu mno, lakini usihofu sana, kuna makubaliano bila pesa. Omba mungu.
9. KUHUSU UONGO.
-Wahenga walisema Ukweli unauma, Na mimi nakuambia "Uongo unaua"
10. KUHUSU KUWAJUA WANAWAKE.
-Ewe mwanangu, kutaka kumjua mwanamke unahitaji miaka mingi ya kuishi kuliko idadi ya nywele zao. Usihangaike na vitabu, makala, majarida, filamu, nyimbo na hotuba za wanaofundisha mandhari za wanawake. Kuna kanuni moja tu ya kupenda, " ili ubaki salama katika kupenda sharti ujipende kwanza".
...Basi mwanangu hayo ndio machache naweza kukuhusia, na wewe una nafasi ya kujifunza zaidi na kufundisha kwa ufanisi zaidi kuliko Mimi..

                                              

IJUE SIRI YA TATIZO LA NGUVU ZA KIUME

Asilimia kubwa la wanaume wameonekana wana tatizo la upungufu wa nguvu za kiume.Leo katika mada hii nitaeleza mambo ambayo husaidia kuondokana kabisa na tatizo hilo.

1. Acha tabia ya kupiga punyeto;Tabia au mazoea ya kupiga punyeto yanamadhara makubwa sana wakati wa tendo la ndoa.Mwili wa mwanaume aliezoea kupiga punyeto au kujichua huathirika katika mfumo wa uzazi hasa misuri inayo ruhusu usambazaji wa damu kwenye uume kulegea na mwanaume kushindwa kusimamisha uume wake sawa sawa(90 DEGREE),au kusababisha mwanaume kuwahi kufika kileleni na kushindwa kuendelea na mchezo.
2. Kula chakula bora;Chakula bora ni dawa na ni siri kubwa ya kuwezesha kuwa na afya bora na uwezo mkubwa wa kulishinda tatizo la nguvu za kiume kama wengi tunavoamini.Kila siku hakikisha unapata chakula bora kwa ajili ya kuwezesha mwili wako kuwa wenye afya njema na kuwa na uwezo wa kufanya kazi kifanisi hasa katika tendo la ndoa.Pata matunda na chakula cha kutosha kwa muda unaostahili.
3. Mazoezi;Mazoezi pia ni siri kubwa ya kuondokana na tatizo la nguvu za kiume.Hapa siongelei kunyanyua vyuma,bali ni yale mazoezi ya kawaida yanayosaidia kujenga mwili.Mazoezi kama kukimbia,kuruka kamba,kuruka kichura,kupiga push-up.Pata mda wa kufanya mazoezi kila siku kwa dakika 20 na utaona mabadiliko katika mwili wako wakati wa tendo la ndoa.
4. Pata muda wa kutosha wa kupumzika;Siri nyingine ni muda wa kutosha wa kupumzika.Tenga muda wa kupumzika baada ya kazi zako.Hakikisha unapata angalau masaa mawili kila siku ya kulala kama inawezekana.Mwili hufanya kazi kifanisi zaidi pindi mtu akiwa amepumzika,
5. Zingatia elimu ya afya bora;Hapa nazungumzia elimu yeyote inayohusika na afya yako ni muhimu kuzingatia ili kujiweka katika mazingira mazuri zaidi,weka mazoea ya kwenda hospitalini kufanya uchunguzi wa mwili wako usisubiri mpaka uumwe ndo uende hospitali

Kwa kufanya hayo machache nina uhakika tatizo la nguvu za kiume litakuwa ni hadithi katika maisha yako,Nina imani utamsaidian na mwingine juu ya tatizo hili lenye kuleta aibu mbele ya mwezi wako na kujiona sio mwanaume kamili.Mpaka wakati mwingine tena kwaherini

Mtoto;Baba kwa nini mama ana nywele nyingi kichwani??
Baba;Ni  kwa sababu mama yako ana akili
Mtoto;Sasa nimeelewa kwa nini unakipara kichwani,

Mtoto:Mama iv malaika huwa anapaa??
Mama;Ndio mwanangu,kwa nini umeniuliza ivo??
Mtoto;Baba huwa anamwita dada wa kazi malaika wangu,kwa hiyo nae anauwezo wa kupaa??
Mama;Ndio anauwezo huo,na leo ndo ataanza rasmi kupaa kuelekea kijijini kwao.

Jamaa alivunjika mguu akaepelekwa hospitali;
DAKTARI: Imekuwaje mpaka ukavunjika mguu?
JAMAA: Miaka kumi iliyopita…
DAKTARI: Staki kujua hayo nataka kujua umevunjikaje mguu?
JAMAA: Dokta nisikilize kwanza, miaka kumi iliyopita nilikuwa nafanya kazi kwa bosi moja kule Uzunguni, siku moja binti yake mzuri sana akaja chumbani kwangu na kuniuliza kama nahitaji kitu chochote, nikamjibu sitaki, akarudia tena tena na kuniuliza tena kama sihitaji kitu chochote, mimi nikasema sihitaji kitu, akaondoka anacheka.
DAKTARI: Sasa hiyo inauhusiano gani na kuvunjika mguu? 
 JAMAA:Sasa leo nilipokuwa niko juu ya mnazi nagema, si ndio jibu likanijia kwanini yule mrembo alikuwa ananiuliza lile swali, ndio bahati mbaya nikajisahau nikaanguka na kuvunjika mguu

Mazungumzo ya mtoto na baba ake.

Baba;Mwanangu mbona unalia?

Mtoto;Nguo za sikukuu ulizoninunuliz kubwa sana kwangu

Baba;Ndio nzuri utakwa nazo

Mtoto;Basi baba ninunulie na mimi gari

Baba;Gari la nini wewe bado mtoto sana

Mtoto;Si nitakuwa nalo kama nguo ulizoninunulia.

Baada ya uchaguzi mgombea aliyeshindwa kwa kura alikutwa akilalamika kuwa wamemwibia kura.Mazungumzo yalikuwa kama ifuatavyo;

Mgombea:Huu uchaguzi wamenionea,wameniibia kura?

Mwananchi:Kwa nini unasema wamekuibia kura??

Mgombea:Ni kwa sababu watu wanaonipa pole ya kushindwa ni wengi kuliko walionipa kura.

Mwananchi;Akakimbia mazungumzo.

One day Anna(24) was watching telvesion with her young brother Tommy(7),and they started talking.

Anna;I hope one day I shall find my dream boyfriend

Tommy;What kind of men you wish to have??

Anna:A man who point me where to sit,a man who handle lot of cash

Tommy,If is that why are ignoring James?he is bus conductor,are you blind or?

Anna:Got faint.

IS IT TRUE??

1.When your life is in darkness,pry to God and ask him to free you from darkness…and if your in darkness please pay your electric bill.

2.When a man open a door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing.Either car is new or his wife

3.What is difference between stress,tension and panic?.

Tension is when wife is pregnant,Stress is when girlfriend is pregnant and Panic is when both of them are pregnant.

4.Grammer eacher:Do you know the important of period?

Student;Yeah,once my sister said she had miss once,my mom got faint,my dad got heart attack and our driver ran away.

5.Son;Dad what  is difference between confidential and confident.

Dad:You’re my son am confident abot that,your friend over thre is my son but am confidential .

GIRL:Sweetie am pregnant

BOY;How much  is it to abort?

GIRL;Doctor said it cost $ 400

BOY;Don’t worry,give birth and I shall kill  that baby by  myself.

TEACHER:Deniss is climbing  a tree to pick some mangoes

(re-write sentence beginning with mangoes)

STUDENT:Mangoes,Deniss is coming for you.

Polisi watatu walienda nyumbani kwa mvuta bangi,wakakuta amefunga mlango na mwzungumzo yao yalikuwa iv;
Polisi;hodii humu ndani
Mvuta bangi;nani??
Polisi;Sisi polisi
Mvuta bangi;Mnasemaje usiku huu?
Polisi;Tunataka kuongea na wewe
Mvuta bangi;kuongea na mim?kwani mko wangapi?
Polisi;ndio,tuko watatu
Mvuta bangi;Kama mko watatu basi ongeeni nyie wenyewe nilizani uko peke ako nije tupige stori,mimi saizi nalala......usiku mwema

Mom: baby, your good in math. Now I'm going to ask you a question.

Baby: sure mom

Mom: if your daddy gives you 3 apples and I give you 4 apples, what's your answer?

Baby: thank you !!!

 A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"

There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds. After this he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week. The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less. Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up. The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says, "If I catch you, you're mine!" The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on an iPod, she made the iPad!

Q: Why did President Obama get two terms? 
A: Because every black man gets a longer sentence.

MAMBO YA MUHIMU YA KUZINGATIA KULINDA MAHUSIANO YAKO.

Leo katika safu hii ninakuletea mambo muhimu ya kufanya ili kulinda mahusiano yako kwa mwezi wako umpendae kwa dhati.Asilimia kubwa ya mahusiano yanayovunjika ni kwa kukosa njia nzuri za kulinda mahusiano yao.

1. Udhibiti wa taarifa kwa wengine:  Kadri unavyoelezea mahusiano yako kwa watu wengine ndivyo unavyowapa nafasi watu kutoa maoni, na hata kudhani kuwa Awana dhamana ya kukuelekeza unavyotakiwa kuishi na mwenza wako. Hivyo basi, chukua muda wa kutosha kutafakari na kufanya uchunguzi kuhusu maswala yako ya mahusiano kabla haujaanza kutafuta maoni, ushauri kwa watu wengine. Ni bora ukasoma vitabu, na makala mbalimbali, hususani zihusuzo tabia na maisha ya mahusiano, zitafakari vema ili kuona zinahusiana vipi na unayokumbana nayo katika mahusianao yako.

2. Upekee wa mambo ya mwezi wako:  Tambua kuwa tabia ya mpenzi wako inaweza kuwa ni ya kipekee, mazingira pia ya tukio linalokufanya utake ushauri au maoni kwa wengine yanaweza kuwa ni ya kipekee, hivyo ushauri au maoni utakayopokea yanaweza yasikusaidie moja kwa moja katika suluhisho lako. Ukitambua hili, utafanya bidii ya kujenga uwezo binafsi wa kuchambua tatizo unalokumbana nalo katika mahusiano na kutafuta suluhisho kabla ya kutegemea watu wengine.

3. Mwenye maamuzi unayoyachukua: Ni kweli kuwa kuna nyakati ni muhimu kupata ushauri kutoka kwa watu wengine, na zaidi sana watu wenye uelewa sahihi na unaowaamini, hakikisha kuwa unatambua kuwa wewe mwenyewe ndio mwenye kubeba lawama ya maamuzi utakayochukua. 

4. Kuwa na subira: Usichukue maamuzi ya haraka katika mahusiano hususani uamuzi wa kuamua kuwashirikisha watu wengine habari ya mambo yanayohusu uhusiano wako. Unapofanya uamuzi wa kuwashirikisha wengine kwa haraka  unajinyima nafasi ya kulichunguza jambo kwa ufasaha hususani madhara yanayoweza kutokea kwa kuwaeleza wengine, au kama ni tatizo, basi kufikiria njia sahihi ambazo ungeweza  kuzitumia kupata suluhu ya tatizo. 

5. Fungua njia za mawasiliano kati yenu: Pengine chanzo cha wewe kutaka kuzungumza mambo ya ndani yanayohusu mahusiano yenu kwa watu wengine ni kwakuwa umekosa  nafasi ya kuzungumza kwa ufasaha na mwenzi wako. Tafuteni nafasi za kutosha, jengeni mazingira ya kuzungumzia mambo yenu kabla ya kutaka kuwashirikisha watu wengine. 

6. kuwa mbunifu’ :  Kumbuka mahusiano yanahitaji sana uelewa mkubwa wa jinsi ya kufanya mawasiliano fasaha, kuelewa hisia za mwenzi wako, kutambua mbinu za kusuluhisha migogoro, na zaidi sana kufanya mipango ya muda mrefu ya uhusiano wenu. Jizoeshe kusoma makala na vitabu mbalimbali vyenye kuboresha ufahamu wa mambo ya msingi kama hayo tuliyoeleza hapo juu. Vile vile kuwa mbunifu wa mambo mbalimbali kwa mwezi wako kama vile kuhakikisha unajua vitu gani anapenda ukimfanyia au vitu gani hapendi ukivifanya.

 7. Kuweni peke yenu: Hata kama hautaki kueleza watu kuhusu mambo yanayoendana na maisha yenu, mazingira unamoishi yanaweza kuchangia watu kutaka kuingilia mahusiano yenu –kwa kutoa maelekezo, ushauri au maoni kuhusu muishivyo wewe na mpenzi wako. Inapobidi hakikisha hamuishi karibu na wazazi wenu, ndugu au rafiki wa karibu. Au haufanyi kazi na mwenzi wako sehemu moja, kwani hiyo itakuwa njia rahisi sana ya watu kuona mnavyoishi.  Inapobidi kuwa karibu na watu wengine , hakikisha mnakubaliana wewe na mwenza wako namna bora ya kuendesha mawasiliano kati yenu mbele za watu, ili msiwape nafasi ya wao  kumi‘soma’ na kisha kuanza waje waanze kutoa ‘maelekezo’ ya vile wanavyoona mnapaswa kuishi.

A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”

There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses

Two students were arguing when their teacher entered the classroom. The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?” One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.” "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

NJIA ZA KUPATA MAFANIKIO-KUTOKA MNARA WA MLINZI

MTU anafanikiwa kikweli kwa kupata njia bora kabisa ya maisha ambayo inatokana na kufuata viwango vya Mungu na kuishi kupatana na kusudi la Mungu kwa wanadamu. Biblia inasema kwamba mtu anayeishi maisha ya aina hiyo “atakuwa kama mti uliopandwa kando ya vijito vya maji, ambao hutoa matunda yake katika majira yake na ambao majani yake hayanyauki, na kila jambo analofanya litafanikiwa.”—Zaburi 1:3.

Naam, ingawa sisi si wakamilifu na tunafanya makosa, tunaweza kufanikiwa maishani! Je, hilo linakuvutia? Ikiwa ndivyo, basi kanuni sita zinazofuata za Biblia zinaweza kukusaidia ufikie lengo hilo na hivyo kuthibitisha waziwazi kwamba kwa kweli mafundisho ya Biblia ni hekima inayotoka kwa Mungu.—Yakobo 3:17.

1 Uwe na Maoni Yanayofaa Kuhusu Pesa

“Kupenda pesa ni chanzo cha mambo mabaya ya namna zote, na kwa kujitahidi kufikia upendo huo wengine . . . wamejichoma wenyewe kila mahali kwa maumivu mengi.”(1 Timotheo 6:10) Ona kwamba tatizo si pesa, kwa kuwa sisi sote tunahitaji pesa ili kujitunza na kutunza familia zetu. Tatizo ni kupenda pesa. Kwa kweli, upendo huo hufanya pesa ziwe bwana, au mungu.

Kama tulivyoona katika makala ya kwanza ya mfululizo huu, watu ambao hukimbizana na utajiri ili wapate mafanikio, kwa kweli wanafuatilia upepo. Mbali na kutamaushwa wanapatwa na maumivu mengi. Kwa mfano, katika jitihada zao za kutafuta mali nyingi, mara nyingi watu hupuuza uhusiano wao wa familia na marafiki. Wengine hukosa usingizi, si kwa sababu ya kazi tu, bali pia kwa sababu ya wasiwasi. “Usingizi wa kibarua ni mtamu, awe ameshiba au amekula kidogo tu. Lakini usingizi wa tajiri ni wa wasiwasi daima, maana ziada ya mali yake humsumbua usiku kucha,” inasema Mhubiri 5:12.—Biblia Habari Njema.

Zaidi ya kuwa bwana mkatili, pesa ni bwana mdanganyifu pia. Yesu Kristo alizungumza kuhusu “nguvu za udanganyifu za utajiri.” (Marko 4:19) Hilo linamaanisha kwamba utajiri humwahidi mtu kwamba utampa furaha, lakini haufanyi hivyo. Badala yake unamfanya mtu atamani utajiri zaidi. “Anayependa fedha hatatosheka na fedha,” inasema Mhubiri 5:10.

Kwa ufupi, mtu anayependa pesa anajiumiza tu. Anavunjika moyo, anakatishwa tamaa, au hata kujihusisha katika uhalifu. (Methali 28:20) Ukarimu, kuwa tayari kusamehe, usafi wa maadili, upendo, na uhusiano mzuri pamoja na Mungu, ni mambo yanayoleta furaha na mafanikio.

2 Sitawisha Roho ya Ukarimu

“Kuna furaha zaidi katika kutoa kuliko ilivyo katika kupokea.” (Matendo 20:35) Ingawa kuwapa watu vitu mara kwa mara kunaweza kumfanya mtu awe na furaha ya muda, roho ya ukarimu inaweza kumfanya awe na furaha ya kudumu. Ni kweli kwamba kuna njia mbalimbali za kuonyesha ukarimu. Mojawapo ya njia bora na inayothaminiwa sana ni kutenga wakati ili kuwa pamoja na watu na kufanya mambo nao.

Baada ya kupitia uchunguzi mwingi kuhusu furaha, afya, na kutokuwa na ubinafsi, mchunguzi Stephen G. Post alisema kwamba kutokuwa na ubinafsi na kuwasaidia wengine kunahusianishwa na maisha marefu, afya nzuri kimwili na kiakili, kutia ndani kupunguza kushuka moyo.

Isitoshe, watu wanaowapa watu vitu kwa ukawaida hawapungukiwi na chochote maishani kwa sababu tu ya kuwa wakarimu. Methali 11:25 inasema hivi: “Mtu mkarimuatafanikishwa, amnyweshaye mwingine maji naye atanyweshwa.” (BHN) Kupatana na maneno hayo, watu ambao ni wakarimu kutoka moyoni, ambao hawawapi watu vitu wakitarajia kulipwa, wanathaminiwa na kupendwa na Mungu.—Waebrania 13:16.

3 Samehe kwa Hiari

“Endeleeni . . . kusameheana kwa hiari ikiwa yeyote ana sababu ya kulalamika juu ya mwingine. Kama vile Yehova alivyowasamehe ninyi kwa hiari, nanyi fanyeni vivyo hivyo pia.” (Wakolosai 3:13) Siku hizi, watu hawako tayari kusamehe; wao hulipiza kisasi badala ya kuonyesha rehema. Matokeo ni nini? Wanapotukanwa wanatukana, nao hulipiza jeuri kwa jeuri.

Mambo hayaishii hapo tu. Ripoti moja katika gazeti The Gazette la Montreal, Kanada inasema kwamba “katika uchunguzi uliofanyiwa watu zaidi ya 4,600 wenye umri ya kati ya miaka 18 hadi 30,” wachunguzi “waligundua kwamba uhasama, kukata tamaa, na kutokuwa na fadhili” hufanya mapafu yawe mabovu. Kwa kweli, mambo hayo yanaweza kufanya mapafu ya mtu kuwa mabovu zaidi kuliko ya mvutaji wa sigara! Bila shaka, kusamehe hakufanyi iwe rahisi kushughulika na wengine tu bali pia kunafaidi afya yetu!

Unawezaje kusamehe zaidi? Anza kwa kujichunguza kwa unyoofu. Je, nyakati nyingine huwakasirishi watu? Unafurahi wanapokusamehe? Kwa hiyo, mbona usiwaonyeshe wengine rehema? (Mathayo 18:21-35) Pia ni muhimu kujizuia. “Hesabu moja hadi kumi” au tafuta wakati ili utulize hasira. Tambua kwamba kujizuia si udhaifu. “Asiye mwepesi wa hasira ni bora kuliko mwanamume mwenye nguvu,” inasema Methali 16:32. Maneno “ni bora kuliko mwanamume mwenye nguvu” yanaonyesha mtu amefanikiwa kikweli, sivyo?

4 Ishi Kulingana na Viwango vya Mungu

“Amri ya Yehova ni safi, huyafanya macho yang’ae.” (Zaburi 19:8) Kwa ufupi, viwango vya Mungu vinatufaidi, kimwili, kiakili, na kihisia. Vinatulinda dhidi ya mazoea yenye kudhuru kama vile, kutumia dawa za kulevya, kulewa, ukosefu wa maadili, na kutazama ponografia (picha au habari za ngono). (2 Wakorintho 7:1; Wakolosai 3:5) Huenda mazoea hayo yakatokeza madhara mabaya kama vile uhalifu, umaskini, kutoaminiana, kuvunjika kwa familia, matatizo ya kiakili na kihisia, magonjwa, na kifo cha mapema.

Kwa upande mwingine, wale wanaoishi kulingana na viwango vya Mungu wanakuwa na mahusiano mazuri, pia wanajiheshimu, na kuwa na amani ya akili. Katika Isaya 48:17, 18, Mungu anasema kwamba yeye ndiye “anayekufundisha ili ujifaidi mwenyewe, Yeye anayekufanya uende katika njia unayopaswa kutembea ndani yake.” Kisha anaongeza hivi: “Laiti ungesikiliza amri zangu! Ndipo amani yako ingekuwa kama mto, na uadilifu wako kama mawimbi ya bahari.” Ndiyo, Muumba wetu anatutakia maisha bora zaidi. Anataka ‘tuende katika njia’ ya mafanikio ya kweli.

5 Onyesha Upendo Usio na Ubinafsi

“Upendo hujenga.” (1 Wakorintho 8:1) Je, unaweza kuwazia maisha yasiyo na upendo? Yangekuwa maisha yasiyo na maana kama nini! “Ikiwa . . . sina upendo [kwa wengine], mimi si kitu. . . . Sipati faida hata kidogo,” akaandika Paulo, mtume Mkristo aliyeongozwa na roho ya Mungu.—1 Wakorintho 13:2, 3.

Upendo unaotajwa hapa si ule wa kimahaba ambao una mahali pake panapofaa. Badala yake ni upendo unaodumu ambao unaongozwa na kanuni za Mungu.* (Mathayo 22:37-39) Isitoshe, mtu haonyeshwi tu upendo huo bali anauonyesha kwa matendo. Paulo aliendelea kusema kwamba upendo huo ni wenye subira na pia fadhili. Hauna wivu, haujigambi, au kujivuna. Hutafuta faida za wengine, na hauchokozeki kwa urahisi bali ni wenye kusamehe. Upendo kama huo hujenga. Pia, unatusaidia tuwe na uhusiano mzuri na wengine hasa washiriki wa familia.—1 Wakorintho 13:4-8.

Kwa wazazi, upendo unamaanisha kuwa na hisia nyororo kuwaelekea watoto wao na kuwapa mwongozo ulio wazi unaotegemea Biblia kuhusu maadili na tabia nyingine. Watoto wanaolelewa katika mazingira kama hayo hujihisi salama, wanapendwa, na kuthaminiwa wakiwa sehemu ya familia iliyo imara.—Waefeso 5:33–6:4; Wakolosai 3:20.

Jack, anayeishi Marekani, ni kijana aliyelelewa katika familia iliyofuata kanuni za Biblia. Baada ya kuondoka nyumbani, Jack aliwaandikia wazazi wake barua. Sehemu ya barua hiyo ilisema hivi: “Jambo moja ambalo nimejitahidi kufanya ni kufuata agizo [la Biblia] linalosema: ‘Mheshimu baba yako na mama yako . . . ili mambo yakuendee vema.’ (Kumbukumbu la Torati 5:16) Mambo yameniendea vema. Na sasa ninathamini kwamba imekuwa hivyo kwa sababu mlijitahidi kunilea kwa upendo. Asanteni sana kwa kunitegemeza na kwa jitihada zenu nyingi za kunilea.” Kama wewe ni mzazi, ungehisije kama ungepokea barua kama hiyo? Je, hungejawa na shangwe moyoni?

Pia, upendo unaotegemea kanuni ‘unashangilia pamoja na kweli,’ yaani, kweli kumhusu Mungu inayopatikana katika Biblia. (1 Wakorintho 13:6; Yohana 17:17) Ili kufafanua, fikiria mfano huu: Wenzi walio na matatizo katika ndoa yao wanaamua kusoma pamoja maneno ya Yesu yanayopatikana kwenye Marko 10:9: “Kwa hiyo kile ambacho Mungu ameunganisha [katika ndoa] mtu yeyote asikitenganishe.” Sasa, lazima wajichunguze mioyo yao. Je, kweli ‘wanashangilia pamoja na kweli za Biblia’? Je, wataiona na kuitendea ndoa kama kitu kitakatifu, kama vile Mungu anavyoiona? Je, wako tayari kujitahidi kutatua matatizo yao kwa upendo? Kwa kufanya hivyo wanaweza kufanya ndoa yao ifanikiwe, na wanaweza kushangilia matokeo mazuri ya jitihada zao.

6 Tambua Uhitaji Wako wa Kiroho

“Wenye furaha ni wale wanaotambua uhitaji wao wa kiroho.” (Mathayo 5:3) Tofauti na wanyama, wanadamu wana uwezo wa kuthamini mambo ya kiroho. Kwa sababu hiyo, sisi hujiuliza maswali kama haya, Ni nini kusudi la uhai? Je, kuna Muumba? Ni nini hutupata tunapokufa? Wakati ujao utakuwaje?

Ulimwenguni pote, mamilioni ya watu wanyoofu wametambua kwamba Biblia inajibu maswali hayo. Kwa mfano, swali la mwisho linahusiana na kusudi la Mungu kwa wanadamu. Kusudi hilo ni nini? Ni kwamba dunia iwe paradiso inayokaliwa na watu wanaompenda Mungu na viwango vyake. Zaburi 37:29 inasema: “Waadilifu wenyewe wataimiliki dunia, nao watakaa milele juu yake.”

Ni wazi kwamba Muumba wetu anataka tufanikiwe kwa muda mrefu zaidi kuliko miaka 70 au 80 tu. Anataka tufanikiwe milele! Kwa hiyo, sasa ndio wakati wako wa kujifunza kuhusu Muumba wako. Yesu alisema: “Uzima wa milele ndio huu, waendelee kupata ujuzi juu yako wewe, Mungu wa pekee wa kweli, na juu ya yule uliyemtuma, Yesu Kristo.” (Yohana 17:3) Unapoendelea kupata ujuzi huo na kuutumia maishani, utagundua kwamba “baraka ya Yehova . . . ndiyo hutajirisha, naye haongezi maumivu pamoja nayo.”—Methali 10:22.

[Maelezo ya Chini]

Karibu kila mahali ambapo neno “upendo” linatumiwa katika Maandiko ya Kigiriki ya Kikristo au “Agano Jipya” linatafsiriwa kutoka kwa neno la Kigiriki a·gaʹpe. A·gaʹpe ni upendo wa maadili unaochochewa na kanuni, wajibu, au kutaka kufanya jambo unalopaswa kufanya. Hata hivyo, a·gaʹpe si upendo usio na hisia bali unaweza kuwa wenye kina na mchangamfu.—1 Petro 1:22.

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MAMBO ZAIDI YANAYOLETA MAFANIKIO

▪ Mwogope Mungu kwa njia inayofaa. “Kumwogopa Yehova ndio mwanzo wa hekima.”—Methali 9:10.

▪ Chagua marafiki kwa hekima. “Anayetembea na watu wenye hekima atakuwa na hekima, lakini anayeshirikiana na wajinga atapatwa na mabaya.”—Methali 13:20.

▪ Epuka kunywa au kula kupita kiasi. “Mlevi na mlafi watakuwa maskini.”—Methali 23:21.

▪ Usilipize kisasi. “Msimlipe yeyote uovu kwa uovu.”—Waroma 12:17.

▪ Fanya kazi kwa bidii. “Ikiwa yeyote hataki kufanya kazi, basi na asile chakula.”—2 Wathesalonike 3:10.

▪ Fuata ile Kanuni Bora. “Mambo yote mnayotaka watu wawatendee ninyi, lazima mwatendee wao pia vivyo hivyo.”—Mathayo 7:12.

▪ Dhibiti ulimi wako. “Yeye ambaye anapenda uzima na kuona siku zilizo njema, na auzuie ulimi wake kutokana na yaliyo mabaya.”—1 Petro 3:10.

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UPENDO NI DAWA NZURI

Dean Ornish, ambaye ni daktari na pia mwandishi anaandika hivi: “Upendo na mahusiano ya karibu ni sababu kuu zinazoweza kutufanya tuwe wagonjwa au tuwe wenye afya, tuhuzunike au tuwe wenye furaha, tuteseke au tupone. Ikiwa dawa mpya ingekuwa na matokeo kama hayo, karibu kila daktari nchini angeipendekeza kwa wagonjwa wake. Ingekuwa kinyume cha sheria za kitiba kukataa kumwandikia mgonjwa dawa hiyo.”

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ALIYEKATA TAMAA AFANIKIWA

Vita vilipoanza katika nchi yake, Milanko, anayeishi huko Balkani, alijiunga na jeshi. Kwa sababu ya ujasiri wake, alipewa jina la utani Rambo ambalo ni jina la shujaa katika sinema moja ya jeuri. Hata hivyo, baada ya muda Milanko alikatishwa tamaa na ufisadi na unafiki alioona jeshini. Anaandika hivi: “Kwa sababu hiyo nilijihusisha na mambo mengi maovu kama vile kutumia vileo, sigara, dawa za kulevya, kucheza kamari, na ukosefu wa maadili. Maisha yangu yalikuwa mabaya na sikujua jinsi ya kuyaboresha.”

Katika kipindi hicho cha msukosuko maishani mwake, Milanko alianza kusoma Biblia. Baadaye, alipokuwa akimtembelea mtu wa ukoo, aliona gazeti Mnara wa Mlinzilinalochapishwa na Mashahidi wa Yehova. Alifurahia mambo aliyosoma na muda si muda akaanza kujifunza Biblia na Mashahidi. Kweli za Biblia zilimfanya awe na furaha na mafanikio ya kweli. Anasema hivi: “Zilinipa nguvu mpya, niliacha matendo yangu yote maovu, nikawa mtu mpya, na nikabatizwa kama Shahidi wa Yehova. Watu walionijua zamani hawaniiti Rambo tena, bali Sungura, jina langu la utotoni kwa sababu ya upole wangu.”

MAMBO MUHIMU KATIKA KATIKA KUFANIKIA KWENYE MAISHA

Inaweza isiwahusu vijana peke yao lakini kwa kutambua wingi wa rika letu  nimeamua kuwalenga wao ili kuwapa mbinu za kuweza kuwasaidia kujikomboa kimaisha. Hapa chini kuna muongozo wa kumfanya kijana afanikiwe kimaisha.

UNACHOAMINI

Njia ya kwanza ya kijana kujikomboa inaanzia kwenye kile anachoamini katika maisha yake. Katika hali ya kawaida mwanzo wa imani ya mwanadamu hutoka kwa wazazi wake na wakati mwingine mazingira atakayokulia. 

Hali iko hivyo kwenye njia hii ya kwanza ya kijana kuelekea kwenye mafanikio. Wengi tumezaliwa na kurithishwa imani ya kutofanikiwa. Wazazi wetu  walitulea kwa kutuambia maisha ni magumu, hatuwezi kufanikiwa, sisi ni masikini, duni na maneno kama hayo ya kukatisha tamaa.

MAWAZO YAKO

Mawazo ya vijana wengi leo yanaamini kuwa, umasikini ni mzigo mkubwa usiokuwa na ufumbuzi. Kitaalamu mtu anapokuwa na mawazo ya kutokufanikiwa hawezi kufanikiwa kwa sababu mafanikio huhitaji nguvu na nguvu za mwili haziwezi kujitokeza kama hazikuvutwa kufanya kazi.

Kwa msingi huo, ili mtu aweze kufanikiwa lazima mawazo yake yakubali kuwa mafanikio ni sehemu ya lazima katika maisha. Jambo hili haliwezi kutokea mpaka kijana mwenyewe aliyelelewa kwenye mawazo ya kushindwa apigane vita na mawazo ya kutofanikiwa na kuyashinda.

Njia pekee ya kujikomboa na mawazo mgando ni kufuta na kupuuza kauli zote ulizoambiwa na mtu yeyote  kuhusu maisha magumu na kuanza kuamini kuwa, maendeleo ni ngumu kuyafikia.

JUHUDI  ZAKO

Siri kubwa ya mafanikio ni kujituma.Hamna maisha mazuri bila kujishughulisha na kitu chochote au kazi yeyote na tena kazi ambazo ni halali.Hakikisha kwenye shughuli zako unazifanya kwa ufanisi mkubwa na hata kuongeza muda wa ziada ili kuboresha kazi zako ili kuweza kuvuta wateja wa kutosha.Tumia kitega uchumi chako kufanikiwa kwenye maisha kwa kujifunza njia mbali mbali unaweza ukazifanya ili kuzidi kuboresha biashara yako na mwishoni mafanikio hupatikana lakini yote ni kwa sababu ya juhudi zako.

MAHUSIANO  MAZURI NA WATU

Mahusiano yako na watu wanaokuzunguka ni daraja lililopo kati yako na mafanikio yako.Huwezi kufanikiwa katika shughuli zako kama mahusiano yako na watu wanaokuzunguka sio mazuri.Jamii au watu wanaokuzunguka ndio wateja wako wakubwa katika shughuli zako kwa hiyo pindi mahusiano yako yakiwa mabaya  na watu hao,shughuli zako za kiuchumi nazo zitakuendea vibaya kwa kuwa  umewapoteza watu ambao ndio wateja wako wakubwa.

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, "Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future." "I still don't get it" responded the Little Johnny. "Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better," said the dad. "Okay then...good night" said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middleof the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, buthis dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized somethingand thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, andthe future is full of shit!"

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
 The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
 The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. 
 The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. 
"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." 
 The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" 
 The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis. Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General’s office. “Since we weren’t actually at war,” the General began, “I can’t give out any medals. We did, however, want to let each of you know your efforts were appreciated. What we’ve decided to do is to let each of you choose two points on your body. You will be given two pounds sterling for each inch of distance between those parts. We’ll start on the left, boys, so what’ll it be?” 
Soldier 1: “The tip of me head to me toes, sahr!” General: “Very good son, that’s 70 inches which comes to 140 pounds” 
Soldier 2: “The tip of the finger on one outstretched hand to the tip of the other, sir!” General: “Even better son, that’s 72 inches which comes to 144 pounds” 
Soldier 3: “The palm of me hand to the tip of me left pinky, sahr!” General: “That’s a strange but fair request, son! As the general begins the measurement: 
“What! Son, where is your left pinky?”
 Soldier 3: “Falkland Island, sahr